In a universe that’s infinite like many theorize ours is;
There are parallel worlds where every possibility lives
So a planet’s somewhere out there, their history the same as ours is written
The only difference is that…
Everyone’s a kitten

[Verse 1:Trevor Moore]
Kitty history Just like ours
Kitty dinosaurs to kitties driving cars
Kitty history Somewhere in quantum space, mathematically this had to take place
Kitty World Wars and kitty mass graves
Kitty colonialism and kitty slaves
It’s Kitty history Somewhere out in the stars

[Verse 2:Trevor Moore]
Just like us, Kitty Columbus sailed until he saw land
But then quickly got off so he could poop in the sand
They formed the first kitty cities and kitty towns
Then they’d wake up at night just to run around
They had their own little Kitty Civil War
But found some string and forgot what they were fighting for
It’s Kitty history And it’s just like ours

[Verse 3:Trevor Moore]
Little Kitty JFK got killed by Kitty Lyndon Johnson and the CIA
Then Lyndon doubled down on Kitty Vietnam, And they bought more helicopters and kitty bombs
From a company where his wife was the main stockholder
And they made a kitty fortune ‘for the war was over
Kitty history Cuddly planet like ours

[Verse 4:Trevor Moore]

A little kitty at the CIA
Who helped kill Kennedy in Dallas that day
Did so darn well that his career got a push
A kitty named George H. W. Bush
He’s made CIA director and Vice Presidents next
All while getting Kitty Saudi Arabian checks
It’s Kitty history Kitty’s taking charge

[Verse 5]
Kitty Bush waits his turn to ascend to his throne
Gets his cronies in power Kitty U.S.A overthrown
The Kitty Saudis know how he can repay his debt
So he starts a war with Iraq, their number one threat
But kitty Saddam is not ejected And the very next year, Kitty George isn’t re-elected
Kitty history Kitties need a new star

[Verse 6]
Kitty Bush gets his sons jobs as governors
Then one steals the election for the other
New kitty Bush has gotta finish the Saudi’s mission So he has a report made by a commission
That says ‘To start a new war, as far as we can attest, you’d need a new Kitty Pearl Harbor.’
And we all know the rest

[Verse 7]
Kitty history
Out in the space-time loops Kitty Leaders and Kitty banking groups
Kitty Surveillance States
Kitty terrorists on kitty government pay
Kitty history Come on and sing
Six kitty companies run EVERYTHING
It’s Kitty History Somewhere out in the stars

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Songwriter(s): Trevor Moore
Record Label(s): 2015 Comedy Central Records
Official lyrics by

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